Show and Tell
by wingedwish
Summary: the horrors of skool just got horrorifyingly worse. One-shot!


_Disclaimer: Jhonen Vasquez is the creative genius behing invader Zim, not little ol' me._

_**SHOW and TELL**_

The moan of the ventilation system hung through the listless air. Tuesday morning, the sun hadn't even broken the horizon yet and Miss Bitters had used some otherworldly power to drag her pupils from their beds, a mass of zombie-like children with drool down their chins and puffy red eyes watering in the chilly air. They slumped in their usual seats, stinking of morning breath and, could it be….

"Who reeks like wet bed?"

"Shut your mouths!" Miss Bitters growled as she wrote on the chalkboard: _Show and Tell_

"To better implement fun in the classroom, the principal man has forced you to bring your nasty little belongings from home to share with the class.

Miss Bitters peered at the class as if daring anyone to ask why they were there at such an unholy hour. Her eyes landed on Zim.

"Zim, it doesn't look like you're slobbery or sleepy. In punishment for this, you will go first."

He saluted her.

"Go now." She snarled.

Zim's eyes glowed pink behind their lenses. He high-stepped it up to the front of the class and waved his hands as if hushing an excited crowd. His black wig looked like marble compared to the rats nests crowning his fellow schoolmates.

"FEAST little smellies! Feast upon the superiority of my show and tell!"

His arm swept backward and retrieved something from his pack. Dib waved frantically, becoming a flash of blue striped pyjamas.

"Miss Bitters he's gonna do something!"

Miss Bitters growled and swept her long fingers over the thermostat. It got 10 degrees colder, instantly. (It made her feel better, anyways). In the meantime, Zim's throaty cackle swelled into a malicious laugh attack as he bobbed up and down waving a little red flag he'd pulled from his pak. "Lookit me shake it like this!"

It flapped crazily.

"It jiggles like a pancake!" one girl cried.

Melvin's eyes bulged. He must have remembered a horrible traumatizing event in his early childhood involving a little flag or something. He yelped,

"That's positively..._IRKING_!" He toppled forwards onto his desk gripping random parts of his face like a crazy rabid kid, panting.

A little squeaky noise broke the silence as everyone goggled at Melvin's random reaction. Zim's eyes widened horrifically. The sun took this opportunity to break the horizon and blast the world with blinding light. Miss Bitters hissed and scared the sun back to where it was before.

"Ehhhh? _Irken_ what was you saided?" Zim blinked, dumbfounded. He raised the flag up to eyelevel and read the little inscription on the flag he hadn't noticed before. It read "Made in Irk."

"Surely the sleepy monster couldn't have read-"he started to mumble, panicking, and then defensively regained himself as he came to a very well thought out conclusion to this madness: "The Dib lies!"

He stuffed the flag away and pulled out something else he'd stowed away in his pak...

"Sheesh Zim, you seriously need better hearing. Melvin said it was _irking_, not-" Dib began to say, before a huge pluffy thing engulfed his head and made him fall on the floor. Zim stood back triumphantly and pointed to the giant hat thing on Dib's head that looked like a crudely crafted, hand stitched version of, well, Dib's head. Jutting out of the sides of the giant head were rubber arms, each gripping a sign reading "I have a head." (This was all very head related you see).

"As you can see, my REAL show and tell was this boy-HEAD-hat for this boy's GARGANTUAN head!" Zim declared, gazing up at his masterpiece as Dib pulled himself back into his desk wearing a frown longer than the Nile, and a crazy hat thing that looked like it was chewing on his cranium.

The sun arose once more and the birds chirped and Melvin was okay again and Miss Bitters pointed to the door as everyone dragged their bodies outside to go back home.

"Why's everything so pointless," Dib said to Zim.

"I know, sad little Dib, I know." Zim replied.


End file.
